Reflections

I've had a rough week. So this morning I decided to take a walk, hoping to invigorate my spirit and reflect as well. I took my camera. And before I knew it I was on a photo journey taking as many shots of puddle reflections as I could. I am not an accomplished photographer, so my skills at capturing the best of reflections is low. But I got a few interesting ones and have added them to my flickr page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/58563201@N00/ And the end result is that I do feel refreshed and hopefully ready to take on whatever the next challenge is. Bruce

Apologies and Forgiveness 2011 style

This new year has me contemplating the deep thoughts.

First there is the apology. I had to apologize quite a bit during 2010. With good reason. I was rarely at my best. And I was feeling the weight of burdens that had accumulated over years.

One goal for my 2011 is to apologize less. What this means is doing less to wrong others. At the same time, this is me. Take it or leave it. I refuse to deny my humanity any longer. I make mistakes, but I am not evil. But I also have feelings, needs and concerns and they are valid and they are real. Deal with it.

Another goal is to actively forgive. One of my flaws is that I will let things fester rather than deal with them directly. Passive aggressive is an understatement. I'm not strong enough to carry these resentments for as long as I used to.

So there it is. Apologize less because I've wronged less. Actively forgive because I need to be free.

Please let me know how I'm doing if our paths cross.

Bruce!

Depth Perception

This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve had some serious challenges lately:




Mysterious cluster headaches
Financial burdens
A break-up

I’ve been affected emotionally by all three, headache, doughache and heartache. Battling my own demons and my own form of depression. I’m getting help from friends, family, counselors, practitioners, etc.

But far too often I feel like I am completely alone.



Then reality hits and you realize that as vital and important as your own issues are, that everyone struggles with things and that my issues are actually transitional. To give some perspective:

The recent suicides of bullied students. “It gets better” is true. It makes me so sad and very reflective to hear about things like this. I am powerless to stop others’ pain, but I will not be powerless to stop or prevent my own.

The death of Maurice Lucas. Just listening to people tell stories of their interactions with this great, great man illustrates how much we CAN affect people by always treating them with grace and respect and by giving of ourselves. Listen to the eulogies at www.955thegame.com for an illustration of what I mean.



A friend’s recent health issues. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer a year ago. Had surgery and treatment and has recovered. Then, recently, a tumor was found in his eye and his eye had to be removed. Different cancer entirely, which seems scary, but is actually a good thing. His resiliency in the face of this inspires me. He has a young daughter and he wraps every setback in terms of making sure he does what he must to be around for her. Unconditional love in the face of adversity.

I guess what I’m just trying to do is remind myself that I do have value. I have gifts to offer. I am worthy of love and affection. As much pain and confusion as exists for me I have tools to conquer it. And there are people who care and who help.

I am not alone.

It gets better.

Bruce!

Bike and Max

Well,

It's been a very long process to get here but today I finally commuted to work via bike and Max.

For those of you following the early entries on this blog, you'll recall that I planned to do that two summers ago. Well, one thing led to another and I chickened out.

But this morning, helmet on head, reflective vest on torso, lights blinking I took to the streets. My bike needs a few items tightened and adjusted but she did well and it was a rather exhilirating feeling to get in tune with her gears and such.

Yay for me!

Creativity

Creativity.

It’s amazing how therapeutic making something from just an idea can be. I recently resumed painting for the first time in decades. And this past week I arranged some music recording with some friends.

The results are not quite studio quality gems, but the process is so fulfilling and rewarding. Arranging, layering and nuance all add to the finished project. Outtakes are hilarious. And sometimes you find your voice when you thought it was lost.

And now I may get a chance to get on stage and perform.

The Clothes Make The Man

I’ve always loved sports. Playing. Spectating. Reading of. Writing about. I’ve also always been fascinated by uniforms. The identity of a team. The pride that comes from wearing a shirt that says ‘Portland’ or ‘Boston’ or Catlin Gabel’ or ‘Jefferson’.

I currently live in the Jefferson district in Portland. Several blocks straight down the street. I also belong to an organization called the 107 Independent Supporter’s Trust (107ist). This organization is the machine behind the Timbers Army here in Portland. They represent the interests of the fans at large, plan events, build community trust and make the match-day experience that much better.

They also do a whole lot of good in the community.

Jefferson High needed some help and the 107ist got word of it. Over the past month the 107ist has worked to generate funds for equipment, uniforms, practice gear, etc for Jefferson’s neglected soccer program.

Uniforms.

My fascination with uniforms has led to a sort of hobby/business for me. I have equipment to stitch or heat press logos, letters, numbers, etc. onto shirts. Professional quality. I’ve produced uniforms for a growing number of adult soccer teams, but this was my first opportunity to help my local school. I couldn’t say no.

As of now the uniforms are half complete. Numbers adorn the bright blue backs of the clean Nike uniforms we are providing. I am still waiting on the graphic ‘JEFFERSON’ to put on the front. I remember what it was like in high school to get that brand new uniform to represent the team. I always loved wearing them. I still do. Funny thing this uniform obsession.

I am looking forward to seeing the Jefferson kids take pride in their school and community when they don these shirts for the first time. Those are special moments. I am thankful to be a part of it.

Where Have I been?

I apparently fell off the face of the earth.

Now it may be time for me to reappear. I've got a lot of thinking to do and that may come with some new writing. We'll see. I've also been taking a lot of pictures so check out my flickr page when you get a chance.