Reflections

I've had a rough week. So this morning I decided to take a walk, hoping to invigorate my spirit and reflect as well. I took my camera. And before I knew it I was on a photo journey taking as many shots of puddle reflections as I could. I am not an accomplished photographer, so my skills at capturing the best of reflections is low. But I got a few interesting ones and have added them to my flickr page. http://www.flickr.com/photos/58563201@N00/ And the end result is that I do feel refreshed and hopefully ready to take on whatever the next challenge is. Bruce

Apologies and Forgiveness 2011 style

This new year has me contemplating the deep thoughts.

First there is the apology. I had to apologize quite a bit during 2010. With good reason. I was rarely at my best. And I was feeling the weight of burdens that had accumulated over years.

One goal for my 2011 is to apologize less. What this means is doing less to wrong others. At the same time, this is me. Take it or leave it. I refuse to deny my humanity any longer. I make mistakes, but I am not evil. But I also have feelings, needs and concerns and they are valid and they are real. Deal with it.

Another goal is to actively forgive. One of my flaws is that I will let things fester rather than deal with them directly. Passive aggressive is an understatement. I'm not strong enough to carry these resentments for as long as I used to.

So there it is. Apologize less because I've wronged less. Actively forgive because I need to be free.

Please let me know how I'm doing if our paths cross.

Bruce!

Depth Perception

This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve had some serious challenges lately:




Mysterious cluster headaches
Financial burdens
A break-up

I’ve been affected emotionally by all three, headache, doughache and heartache. Battling my own demons and my own form of depression. I’m getting help from friends, family, counselors, practitioners, etc.

But far too often I feel like I am completely alone.



Then reality hits and you realize that as vital and important as your own issues are, that everyone struggles with things and that my issues are actually transitional. To give some perspective:

The recent suicides of bullied students. “It gets better” is true. It makes me so sad and very reflective to hear about things like this. I am powerless to stop others’ pain, but I will not be powerless to stop or prevent my own.

The death of Maurice Lucas. Just listening to people tell stories of their interactions with this great, great man illustrates how much we CAN affect people by always treating them with grace and respect and by giving of ourselves. Listen to the eulogies at www.955thegame.com for an illustration of what I mean.



A friend’s recent health issues. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer a year ago. Had surgery and treatment and has recovered. Then, recently, a tumor was found in his eye and his eye had to be removed. Different cancer entirely, which seems scary, but is actually a good thing. His resiliency in the face of this inspires me. He has a young daughter and he wraps every setback in terms of making sure he does what he must to be around for her. Unconditional love in the face of adversity.

I guess what I’m just trying to do is remind myself that I do have value. I have gifts to offer. I am worthy of love and affection. As much pain and confusion as exists for me I have tools to conquer it. And there are people who care and who help.

I am not alone.

It gets better.

Bruce!

Bike and Max

Well,

It's been a very long process to get here but today I finally commuted to work via bike and Max.

For those of you following the early entries on this blog, you'll recall that I planned to do that two summers ago. Well, one thing led to another and I chickened out.

But this morning, helmet on head, reflective vest on torso, lights blinking I took to the streets. My bike needs a few items tightened and adjusted but she did well and it was a rather exhilirating feeling to get in tune with her gears and such.

Yay for me!

Creativity

Creativity.

It’s amazing how therapeutic making something from just an idea can be. I recently resumed painting for the first time in decades. And this past week I arranged some music recording with some friends.

The results are not quite studio quality gems, but the process is so fulfilling and rewarding. Arranging, layering and nuance all add to the finished project. Outtakes are hilarious. And sometimes you find your voice when you thought it was lost.

And now I may get a chance to get on stage and perform.

The Clothes Make The Man

I’ve always loved sports. Playing. Spectating. Reading of. Writing about. I’ve also always been fascinated by uniforms. The identity of a team. The pride that comes from wearing a shirt that says ‘Portland’ or ‘Boston’ or Catlin Gabel’ or ‘Jefferson’.

I currently live in the Jefferson district in Portland. Several blocks straight down the street. I also belong to an organization called the 107 Independent Supporter’s Trust (107ist). This organization is the machine behind the Timbers Army here in Portland. They represent the interests of the fans at large, plan events, build community trust and make the match-day experience that much better.

They also do a whole lot of good in the community.

Jefferson High needed some help and the 107ist got word of it. Over the past month the 107ist has worked to generate funds for equipment, uniforms, practice gear, etc for Jefferson’s neglected soccer program.

Uniforms.

My fascination with uniforms has led to a sort of hobby/business for me. I have equipment to stitch or heat press logos, letters, numbers, etc. onto shirts. Professional quality. I’ve produced uniforms for a growing number of adult soccer teams, but this was my first opportunity to help my local school. I couldn’t say no.

As of now the uniforms are half complete. Numbers adorn the bright blue backs of the clean Nike uniforms we are providing. I am still waiting on the graphic ‘JEFFERSON’ to put on the front. I remember what it was like in high school to get that brand new uniform to represent the team. I always loved wearing them. I still do. Funny thing this uniform obsession.

I am looking forward to seeing the Jefferson kids take pride in their school and community when they don these shirts for the first time. Those are special moments. I am thankful to be a part of it.

Where Have I been?

I apparently fell off the face of the earth.

Now it may be time for me to reappear. I've got a lot of thinking to do and that may come with some new writing. We'll see. I've also been taking a lot of pictures so check out my flickr page when you get a chance.

Hope

Pete Seeger, the father of American Folk Music, has played before on the steps of the Lincoln Memorial. In protest.

What a wonderful thing to see him singing this song with his grandson and with Bruce Springsteen and with a rousing chorus full of joy and hope, the great anthem of America, Woody Guthrie's "This Land Is Your Land".

Seeger has strived all his life for justice for all humanity. He is a treasure of America. An America that at one time disowned him. Through it all he's led a life of service and dignity and hope. I am so thankful that he was included at Sunday's concert and that he, at 89, showed us all the unifying power of song.

Great moments are born of great opportunity. That is the message of these days. We can do better because we must do better. We must do better. We must.

The King And I

Roy Hobbs was The Natural.

Roi is the French word for King.

Brandon Roy is often referred to with the title, The Natural, and he just took his place in Blazers Royalty with a 52-point performance on Thursday night against the Phoenix Suns.

Roy is a gifted basketball player. He can score, shoot, pass, defend, handle the ball, penetrate and create his own shot. He has no weakness. He doesn’t make many mistakes and the ones he does are minor. He has a superior basketball mind and is tough mentally to take over games.

I’ve been surprised by Roy at every turn. Coming out of the University of Washington (I hate UW) he had some promise but most of us didn’t know much about him. His teams at UW were very good his last two years and he was an All-American. He stayed in school for all four years and it showed when he reached the pros.

His rookie year he looked like a very solid, but unspectacular player. He did a lot of good things on the court, but I figured this was what he was. 17 points per game, decent shooting, 4 rebounds, 4 assists. Good numbers for the #2 guy on a team, which is what I figured he would be.

His second season, they turned the team over to him and almost all of his numbers improved. He made the All-Star team. Again, I said to myself that this was the best we’d see from Roy. He’d be just less than 20 points per game and just fewer than 5 rebounds and 5 boards. But he still wasn’t displaying the athleticism that most game-changing players provide.

I was so wrong about him.

This season he is taking the burden of this entire franchise on his back and he is thriving. 23.4 points per game, leadership, game changing performances night in and night out and he’s currently having the best stretch of any Blazers player since Clyde Drexler in the early 90’s. Maybe the best stretch ever. I didn’t think he had another level to go to and he clearly does. I’m trying to find a single player to compare him to and am failing. There may not be a direct comparison available. He’s part Larry Bird, part Terry Porter, part Gary Payton, part Reggie Miller.

It’s so fun being a Blazers fan these days.

My Plan To Fix The Economy

I just sent the following to President Elect Obama's team. It's important to note that I do not address the politics of my plan. There will be lots of upset people whose only benefit would be a stable nation and economy (no big deal...) But the plan would work, I am confident of it.

"If there were a way to get the vast majority of mortgages in foreclosure to resume their monthly payments would it have an impact on the troubled economy?

There is a way to do this with prudent, responsible investment from the Federal Government in our banking institutions.

The premise is to use federal funds to create an endowment to assist both the banks and the troubled borrowers. The endowment would be invested in the banks that need capital to loan as normal. The interest generated by these deposits would be routed to the Fed to then assist homeowners in making their mortgage payments.

If we invested $400 billion dollars at 3.5% annually it would generate about $1.2 billion per month in interest. The interest would then be used to assist a troubled borrower in making their mortgage payment. If an average borrower is in need of an additional $500 to make their payments this investment could help over 2.3 million average borrowers. If a rate of return of 4.0% was possible, this investment could assist over 2.6 million average borrowers. The more money invested and the higher the rate of return the more troubled homeowners could be helped. Banks could even compete for these deposits by guaranteeing higher returns over time.

This program does not buy out a mortgage, nor does it make the homeowners entire payment. They are still making a monthly payment of what they can reasonably afford. This would just bridge the gap between what they owe and what they can pay.

This program would get the money flowing back into the bank on the front end, with both what the borrower can repay and what the program can do to cover the gap. Plus the banks receive the initial deposits to help them lend.

Over time, as property values stabilize and hopefully increase, participants would be offered refinance options to reduce their need for assistance and eventually be out of the program entirely. As assistance is reduced, the original investment could be withdrawn slowly and repaid to the Fed.

The risk to the taxpayer is small. The benefit to our economy is massive. People keep their homes, their jobs and their dignity, banks have money to lend and have vastly fewer mortgages in default."

B!

Time For Thanks

The list, in no particular order:

Freedom: so much of our liberties have been under attack both as a consequence of our enemies and as a consequence of our own government. Enough. I like my freedom and I like yours too.

Portland: I love this city so much.

Family: I don't see or talk to them enough but I value each and every one of them.

The future: My hope and optimism is as high as it's been in decades.

Heather: What can I say about her. One of the greatest souls I've ever encountered. She lights me up.

Taste buds: I love good flavors so much.

Imagination: this one cognitive tool keeps me going sometimes.

Friends: keep me on my toes.

Timbers: one love.

Blazers: another love.

B!

Dawning of A New Day

A transformative night.

A transformative candidate.

Barack Obama did something that many didn't think was possible. He lifted a majority of US citizens beyond and above the racial divide.

As I took it all in last night I was again struck by the idea that our society has come so far. I thought of Jackie Robinson who broke the color barrier in baseball. Jackie had to be so tough that he wouldn't fight - turned the other cheek. He took the abuse so that the other great players to come wouldn't have to. It didn't hurt that he was also one of the best baseball players to ever play the game.

I've pondered whether Obama is the Jackie Robinson of US Politics. And I've decided that he is not. Men like Martin Luther King Jr and Malcolm X and countless others whose sacrifices were so profound played that role. Barack Obama is more akin to Henry Aaron: able to achieve greatness because the barrier had been diminished.

But there was another player in US politics who should not be left out of this: Jesse Jackson. The moment of last night for me was not Obama's speech and it was less the anouncement of the victory. The moment for me was Jesse Jackson fighting back the cascade of tears glistening in the night light in Chicago. His lip trembling and his emotions raw. This is a man who lived the struggle and most of his past tears have been shed in sadness. Those tears last night were totally different.

That image will stay with me as we proceed through the next four years.

Fired up! Ready to go!

B!

Election Day!

Seen on my way to work today:

1 Dennis Kucinich bumper sticker
1 McCain/Palin bumper sticker
5 Obama/Biden bumper stickers

I live in Portland.

Also, On a corner of Canyon Road three people waving signs for Rep. David Wu. Upon closer inspection, it was David Wu. 7:28am.

I love living in Portland.

Springsteen for Obama

Bruce speaks about the promise of the American Dream


Bruce plays his passionate song of redemption, 'The Rising'

Politics and The Media

I've been delving into polls and blogs and news sites leading up to the election. Today I found an interview with Joe Biden with Barbara West on WFTV channel in Florida conducted on October 23rd. It's been getting a bit of buzz on the interwebs. She's conducted interviews with Obama, Biden and McCain previously. Check these out and let me know what you think of her questions and the responses to them.

Oct. 23 Joe Biden interview

Sept. 12 Barack Obama interview

Sept. 26 Joe Biden interview

Oct. 14 John McCain interview

VP Debate at the Bagdad Theater

I've mostly avoided politics on my blog (and avoided the blog for far too long, sorry). I've got some family and friends who disagree with me politically and I try to be sensitive to their views.

But enough is enough.

Sarah Palin is an insult as a candidate.

As I watched the VP debate at the Bagdad Theater in Portland I was awestruck at her refusal to answer the direct questions. Either she didn't have a clue as to the context of them or she out and out has no respect for the debate, the voters or the truth. At one point I had to pull out my John McEnroe voice and scream "ANSWER THE QUESTION!!!!"

Sure, she looked pretty and used her folksy language to her benefit. But all in all she was not prepared to debate and is in no way prepared to be on a national ticket. McCain made the wrong move in choosing her and it will cost him the election.

Her rambling spewing of Republican talking points was to be expected. But even I thought she would answer the questions, albeit poorly. But she didn't even do that. Was that smart?

I used this analogy last night that she looked like someone who was coming into a job interview who was not even close to being qualified for the job. Her ramblings had that effect on me.

Biden answered questions. Gave details. Talked about specific changes and differences. And he didn't attack Palin, rather he attacked McCain. That was smart. He looked presidential.

I doubt that I am going to change anyone's votes. Those in the right wing believe in their agenda even though the agenda under Bush has been skewed full of lies, illegal conduct and downright failures on every front. But I question their concern for the country when they would support someone as unprepared as Sarah Palin on their ticket. This country is in need of real leadership and she is not the answer. Most of them know it. So I challenge them to have the guts to do what is right and either force McCain to drop Palin or choose to vote in another direction. Ron Paul is still on the ballot and he's a better conservative than either of the two on the GOP ticket. So make yourselves heard and vote Ron Paul.

Or better yet, use your heads and vote Obama/Biden.

One Vote, One Prayer

Some evangelicals are praying for rain in Denver tonight. Rain to squelch the Democratic National Convention in the open air of Invesco Field.

You've got to be kidding me.

When the rain doesn't come, what does that mean for this evangelical and their God? Seems like it might be considered an endorsement for Barack Obama, no?

R.I.P. City

Kevin Duckworth b. April 1, 1964 - d. August 25, 2008.

Kevin Duckworth has died. Sometime Monday at the Oregon Coast.

Duck was a Portland legend. Seven feet tall and close to 300 pounds when he played he was both intimidating and gentle. One of the nicest and most emotionally honest athletes ever to come through Portland.

I have several fond connections to Duck.

In 1988 I bought my first Blazers Authentic Jersey. I had a choice between Clyde Drexler’s #22 and Kevin Duckworth’s #00. I chose Duck. It cost all of $45 new at the time. I have long since outgrown that jersey, but I will never part with it.

When I worked for the Blazers, my producer knew of my attachment to Duckworth and at the end of the 2001 season she presented me with his game used warmups from 1992-1993. He was one big dude.

In 2001 when the Blazers retired Clyde Drexler’s number I got a chance to chat with Duckworth. He was as cordial and gentle that night as he ever was. I will always remember his easy smile.

Kevin wasn’t enough of a legendary player to have his jersey number retired. But he was enough of a legendary person to have a place of honor by the Blazers. The early fan input is that the team name their community service award and program for him. They could re-name the Blazers Boys and Girls Club on MLK in his honor. There are lots of good ideas. But please, do something.

R.I.P. City for Duck. R.I.P.

B!

It's Just A Flesh Wound

Apologies for the lack of blog posts lately. I’ve had a new version of tunnel vision and it’s had an unintentional consequence of slower than slow blog entries.

Why?

Surgery.

Before Friday, July 11 I’d never had surgery before. Heck, I’d only had three stitches ever in my life. But hernia surgery is different. I’ve definitely had more stitches. Many which I can’t see.

Here’s the skinny. Just below my belly button Dr. Cook made a small semi-circular incision. Maybe inches in length. Through this small opening he reset my insides which we’re exposed through the small defect in my abdominal muscles. He then inserted a small mesh patch and stitched it to the muscles.

The idea is that the scar tissue that results from the stitches will secure the mesh in place which will, in turn, secure my insides where they belong.

Overall, the surgery appears to be a success. I lost three days to the drugs and pain. I’ve been very, very tired. My belly button is now an innie again. The bruising on my stomach was incredible and is now slowly receding, as is the pain.

I’m glad I had the surgery. I think in the short and long term it will improve my quality of life (which overall is pretty darn good anyway). But it currently is limiting my physical activity – specifically soccer and bike riding. I’ll be playing in my first rec soccer matches in decades this fall, but I’m stuck on the sidelines until I have a greater range of motion. The new bike is in the basement for weeks, if not months. Ah well. Those are the breaks.

Regardless, I feel good enough to blog about it. I’m off the habit-forming drugs provided. I’m icing my wound regularly. My insides itch. Fun times.

B!

Morning Bizarre

I was driving to work this morning and had just turned off of Highway 217 onto Canyon Rd. I pulled up to a stoplight and heard the noise coming out of the sound system of the vehicle to my left.

Now usually this is the thumpa-thumpa of some sub-woofer enclosure and some version of the latest rap classic coming through the speakers. But not today.

I turned to my left and saw a late 90’s green, dusty, Ford Taurus wagon. The passenger window was down and the driver, about my age, a bit disheveled in the hair and wearing some type of uniform with badges on the sleeve, was singing along with the music:

It was rhythmic.

It was droning.

It was clearly making him happy.

It was drill chants from the U.S. Marine Corps. No joke. This guy’s morning pick-me-up was to relive his time as a Marine plebe at 7:20 am.

As he pulled away I noticed the back of the Taurus had several U.S. Marine stickers, including one that said LIVING LIFE one kill at a time.

I love Portland.

Semper Fi.

B!