Tuesday, November 9, 2010

Depth Perception

This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve had some serious challenges lately:

Mysterious cluster headaches
Financial burdens
A break-up

I’ve been affected emotionally by all three, headache, doughache and heartache. Battling my own demons and my own form of depression. I’m getting help from friends, family, counselors, practitioners, etc.

But far too often I feel like I am completely alone.

Then reality hits and you realize that as vital and important as your own issues are, that everyone struggles with things and that my issues are actually transitional. To give some perspective:

The recent suicides of bullied students. “It gets better” is true. It makes me so sad and very reflective to hear about things like this. I am powerless to stop others’ pain, but I will not be powerless to stop or prevent my own.

The death of Maurice Lucas. Just listening to people tell stories of their interactions with this great, great man illustrates how much we CAN affect people by always treating them with grace and respect and by giving of ourselves. Listen to the eulogies at www.955thegame.com for an illustration of what I mean.

A friend’s recent health issues. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer a year ago. Had surgery and treatment and has recovered. Then, recently, a tumor was found in his eye and his eye had to be removed. Different cancer entirely, which seems scary, but is actually a good thing. His resiliency in the face of this inspires me. He has a young daughter and he wraps every setback in terms of making sure he does what he must to be around for her. Unconditional love in the face of adversity.

I guess what I’m just trying to do is remind myself that I do have value. I have gifts to offer. I am worthy of love and affection. As much pain and confusion as exists for me I have tools to conquer it. And there are people who care and who help.

I am not alone.

It gets better.



pk said...

Hell yes it gets better brother.

Nanimal said...

you have much value...
you can change the world. I believe that... with my whole heart and on my days when I feel the slippery slope of depression clinging to my heels I try to think of some small way to make someones day better.
so dorky... but true. Like sitting down and talking to an old dude at the park... or smiling genuinely at someone who helped open a door. or opening a door for someone.
I have really learned to lean on some little things and get little bursts of satisfaction - they seem to grow.
And you already do these things in a big scale- soccer jerseys for a school, etc... but remember being amazing doesn't always have to be grandiose... it is the little things that make us amazing.
I'm glad I know you.

Bruce said...

Thanks, Pete.

Nan, thank you for kind words and positive thoughts.

cora d said...

A little late in the game, but...big hugs. It does get better. And you are not alone - sometimes you just have to reach out (which you do) when you need it most, which can fee like the hardest thing to do at the time.

BTW, how are things?

Is that one of your paintings?