Depth Perception

This post has been a long time coming.

I’ve had some serious challenges lately:




Mysterious cluster headaches
Financial burdens
A break-up

I’ve been affected emotionally by all three, headache, doughache and heartache. Battling my own demons and my own form of depression. I’m getting help from friends, family, counselors, practitioners, etc.

But far too often I feel like I am completely alone.



Then reality hits and you realize that as vital and important as your own issues are, that everyone struggles with things and that my issues are actually transitional. To give some perspective:

The recent suicides of bullied students. “It gets better” is true. It makes me so sad and very reflective to hear about things like this. I am powerless to stop others’ pain, but I will not be powerless to stop or prevent my own.

The death of Maurice Lucas. Just listening to people tell stories of their interactions with this great, great man illustrates how much we CAN affect people by always treating them with grace and respect and by giving of ourselves. Listen to the eulogies at www.955thegame.com for an illustration of what I mean.



A friend’s recent health issues. He was diagnosed with kidney cancer a year ago. Had surgery and treatment and has recovered. Then, recently, a tumor was found in his eye and his eye had to be removed. Different cancer entirely, which seems scary, but is actually a good thing. His resiliency in the face of this inspires me. He has a young daughter and he wraps every setback in terms of making sure he does what he must to be around for her. Unconditional love in the face of adversity.

I guess what I’m just trying to do is remind myself that I do have value. I have gifts to offer. I am worthy of love and affection. As much pain and confusion as exists for me I have tools to conquer it. And there are people who care and who help.

I am not alone.

It gets better.

Bruce!

Time For Thanks

The list, in no particular order:

Freedom: so much of our liberties have been under attack both as a consequence of our enemies and as a consequence of our own government. Enough. I like my freedom and I like yours too.

Portland: I love this city so much.

Family: I don't see or talk to them enough but I value each and every one of them.

The future: My hope and optimism is as high as it's been in decades.

Heather: What can I say about her. One of the greatest souls I've ever encountered. She lights me up.

Taste buds: I love good flavors so much.

Imagination: this one cognitive tool keeps me going sometimes.

Friends: keep me on my toes.

Timbers: one love.

Blazers: another love.

B!

Bits And Pieces

Weekend Update

Summer seems to have finally arrived. Better temperatures, some humidity, barbecues. I’m not a fan of super hot weather, but anything right around 80 degrees will work for me.

Yesterday I had Heather and some of her friends over for a quick cookout before heading to The Rose City Rollers Roller Derby Bout at the Expo Center.

I’d seen roller derby on TV and I have a fondness for sports entertainment of many kinds so I was very excited about seeing it live. Fun times. The expo center is the perfect venue for it: plenty of space, easy to get to, etc. There were four teams in competition. I couldn’t intuit all of the rules but the basics were easy enough to follow. Great crowd too: Hipster doofuses, lesbians, fathers, daughters. A perfect patchwork of Portland.

Heather and her friends all came up with their own Roller Derby names. Heather’s is ‘Smack N’ Cheez’. Funny stuff.

Cut To The Chase

I’ve got surgery scheduled. July 11. Here’s the deal: When I put on too much weight several years ago I created a small umbilical hernia. Now these things aren’t dangerous (as long as they’re small, like mine) but they get to be very uncomfortable. I’ve had a hard time lifting, moving, bending, etc as a result of this unwelcome guest.

So, this nice and amusing doctor is going to shave parts of my chest hair, put a small semi-circular incision around my belly button, and insert a piece of Gore-Tex mesh to repair the abdominal weakness. It’s supposed to only take 30-40 minutes and is an outpatient procedure. So, no big deal as far as surgeries go, right? I have to decide whether to use a local or take the general. All things being equal I’ve been advised to take the local, as it’s less disorienting as you regain you feeling. What do you think?

Anyway, it’s a bit of a big deal for me. I’m not a big fan of the doctor world. But the discomfort has really started to bug me.

B!

Intermission

It seems like taking a break is contagious around here.

Some goings on in the world that is my world:

I’m heading to Bend this weekend for nephew’s birthday, friend’s birthday and some quality time with the family and with Heather. Heather’s met the folks and an aunt and uncle. Now she’ll meet Stu, Melissa, the boys and a zillion friends that I’ve known for a good long time. I know she’s up to the task as she’s such a sport, but it’s still a bit daunting.

I’m having surgery. Nothing major. In my weight gain of the last 8-10 years I developed an umbilical hernia. It’s been bothering me a lot lately so the Doctor’s and I have decided to get it fixed. The surgery takes only 30-45 minutes and I should be back on my functional feet in a few days and fully active within a 4-6 weeks. I’ve got to negotiate the scheduling of it, what with summer weddings, plans and all. Oh, and work. Can’t forget about work.

Tuesday, June 10 The Portland Timbers will play Hollywood United in the U.S. Open Cup. Hollywood United is a club team from Los Angeles that was founded by some actors and rock stars. They are a cut above your local pub team and word is that they are bringing some of their big names to PDX on the 10th. Anthona Lapaglia is the current owner of the squad. Pretty cool. What’s also pretty cool is that I will be in the broadcast booth for the match. I’ll be doing play-by-play on the USLLive broadcast. The match will only be available On Demand once it’s completed but it’s still a great opportunity for me to re-test my skills and continue to slowly re-engage myself in the broadcast biz.

Sick Like Me

So I am sick. Nasty sick.

There are sticky, icky things being produced when I cough or when I blow. Not pretty.

This cold/illness was pretty sneaky too. It started with a sore throat Sunday morning. No big deal. I had overused my voice the night before when the Timbers beat the Sounders 2-0 at PGE Park. So I didn't figure it was of any concern. I went about my happy, happy Sunday thinking nothing of it, really. Did my road trip to the beach as planned, tested my new keys to the house, had a cream ale at the Pelican, built a fire, etc. and spent some fantastic time with a new friend, Heather, and helped her get some awesome (ossom) photographs.

But by Monday morning the sore throat was still here and had brought along it's close friends; bodyaches, fever, phlegm, phlegm, phlegm and close cousin, the shakes.

And they've been here ever since. They are not my favorite houseguests.

There should be a few positives to this: I was here for the UPS guy to drop off my new bicycle. Yay. Except I don't even have the strength and concentration to assemble it, let alone test it properly. I can catch up on my writing. As you can see from the blog, I'm clearly winning that battle.

Nope. I'm in a delirious dayquil induced coma. In and out of dream states. With an incredible appetite and no taste buds. Weird.

Regardless, I hope to feel well enough to get into the office tomorrow. Without a voice I'll have a hard time properly doing my job, but I will muddle through it.

I hope all you gentle readers are faring better than I.

B!

Let's Get Quiet

We’re entering another quiet time on the blog.

Busy professional life, combined with an actual social life is severely limiting both the time I have for blogging as well as the content.

I will have things to say. But they will be brief and may not be very interesting or very juicy.

I guess we’ll all just have to deal with it.

B!

It’s a beautiful day for football.

Portland Timbers opening night is tonight. The skies are clear. The beer will be cheap. The crowd will be loud.

Catch up with the goings on about the teams with the fans at Talk Timbers, The 107 Report podcast, The Offside or Oregonlive.

Match is at 7:00pm. General Admission tickets are $11 available at the PGE Park box office or through Ticketmaster. (Devlyn, thanks for the correction on the price, that's what I get for posting from memory.)

Time After Time

Time.

It’s getting the best of me lately.

I was having a conversation with my housemate/friend/landlord David the other night. We were discussing the need for Bruce time. Or David Time. He actually said he had copyrighted the term. He wouldn’t lie about that, would he?

Y’know. Alone time. Time to reflect. Time to decompress.

When I was living solo I learned to enjoy that time. And in turn I needed that time to feel like myself. Now that I’m back living in a community, albeit a two person community, my time and space is shared. And while I don’t require as much alone time I still need it.

Being more active is mostly a good thing. But recently, as I’ve been ramping up my diverse activities, I have less Bruce Time…oops David time, and it is taking its toll. I have been so busy with media activities, Timbers items, Kip’s wedding, a social life, etc. that I feel like I might be losing my way. And myself in the process.

So. This Sunday is mine. All mine. Don’t try to stop me and no one will get hurt.

B!

I'm So Pretty

Best man.

It’s a title that is more than ceremonial. Traditionally the best man conjures up the bachelor party, offers any and all assistance to the bride’s family leading up to the wedding day, helps keep the groom from losing his mind, etc. He also toasts the bride and groom.

I did these things recently, culminating with the actual wedding and reception last night.

Now to say that this was a fun event and outstanding party is an understatement. Kip and Jen put together a perfect party with the emphasis on the party and celebration rather than the drama that a wedding can produce.

It’s always fun to take people you know in one context, dress them up real pretty, and put them in front of an audience. Things are bound to happen.

I won’t tell most of the stories like how I forgot that bringing the microphone was my responsibility or Peter and Jeane and the inflatable whale, but I’ll show a few of the pics that have surfaced.

But I want to talk about the toast. I did this once before for my brother’s wedding. It was a good little speech and toast. Last night, I did it again.

I’ve been sweating the details of this speech for the last few weeks. I had a general idea of what I wanted to say but was struggling to give it structure and struggling to create the right kind of relevance and relation to Kip and Jen’s life together.

So I never wrote the speech. I winged it.

Well, I’m going to pat myself on the back a bit, because that’s what a lot of other people have been doing since I delivered the words. I hit it perfectly last night. I really did. And I’m a bit surprised myself.

But, as I examine all of the things I’ve been doing lately that put myself out there; This blog, the TV show, my podcast, the upcoming video projects, etc. it’s becoming clear to me that I’ve conquered a portion of my modest stagefright as well as created a comfortable cadence with public speaking.

So good for me.

The wedding is supposed to be about the couple and not about anyone else. I try to remember that as I participate in these types of events. But, that being the case, the toast is the part where the attention is focused on the best man. You might as well do a good job with it.

B!

Soup or Salad?

So in my ever expanding quest to improve my social life and social scorecard I've got a new experiment.

I'm looking for new restaurants. I'm not reviewing them. I'm not critiquing them. I'm just looking to try something new every two or three weeks.

I've lived in Portland most of my life. I've gotten very set in my ways which has advantages and disadvantages. But it does create a bit of a rut. There are probably thousands of restaurants that I've never set food inside. I want to change that.

So, I'd love some suggestions of good restaurants. Any area of town and any ethnicity. But it's good food I'm looking for. I'm less concerned with linen napkins or impressive decor.

B!

PS - I'll also be looking for people to try the places out with, so if you're interested, drop me an email or post a comment.

We Just Came For The Blood

I used to give blood every two to three months. It seemed like a good way to do some good for someone else. Someone I’d never meet. Someone whose life could be saved.

Then, with my personal waistline expansion project and the corresponding hypertension that accompanied it, I had to start declining the polite yet persistent Red Cross invitations.

Today, however, I donated again for the first time in almost five years. Yay for me!

In the past when I’ve gone on blood-letting excursions my friends and I try to make a game of it. Who can fill out the papers fastest. Which curtained cube will you use for your interview. Which of the nurses will conduct it (Bonus points if they’re cute AND unmarried. Rare, but possible.) etc.

Then, the ultimate game. Who can bleed the quickest.

My brother Stuart and friend David would actually have the attending nurses start their blood draw at the same moment so it was a real race. Each of them squeezing their squishy ball rhythmically to produce a steady stream of blood.

I can’t remember who won these contests, nor what their time was. But I know they beat my time today of 6:58.

I had a great chat with Siobhan my attending nurse. We talked about cat allergies and concerts and a host of other stuff. I got to use a Spider-Man squeeze ball. Who knew giving blood could be so much fun.

So, if you’ve been itching for a good thing to do, call up the Red Cross (503-528-5848) and arrange a time to give blood. It’s a very worthy cause.

B!

Happy Birthday Bro!

Today is my big brother Stuart’s 41st Birthday.

We don’t talk or see each other as much as either of us would like, but he’s still my best friend in the whole world. Those words seem unbelievable when I reflect on the special torture that a big brother inflicts on a younger over the years. But, somewhere, I got over it and he did too.

If you wish to post some birthday wishes for him feel free.

Happy Birthday Stu!

Butter Flavoring On That?

A friend and I were having a quick chat on gmail last week about movies. Movies that we love. Movies that we quote. Movies that we never really tire of seeing but that we don’t watch with much frequency anymore.

It got me thinking. It’s time for a marathon movie day. An all day affair of movies, food, drink, naps and more movies.

Of course such a day must involve the holy trinity of movie-going treats: Sno-Caps, Goobers and Raisinets, as well as some of the newer kids on the block: Hot Tamales and Red Vines.

So, I need your help. We’ve got to make a list. I’ll start:

• The Adventures of Buckaroo Banzai Across The 8th Dimension
• The Princess Bride
• The Big Lebowski
• Kingpin
• Fletch! (but not Fletch! Lives)

Chime in, dear readers. We may even put you on the invite list.

B!

Gift Registry 2008 Style

So, my good friend Kip is getting married in a month. I have the honor of standing with him as best man. We’ve got tuxes ordered, have a fun bachelor day planned in a few weeks and then it’s on to Edgefield for the ceremony in April.

A few days ago I asked Kip where he and Jen were registered. The response, “Sears and Kmart”.

Times have changed.

It used to be that couples would only register at Meier and Frank (now Macy’s) or another splashy department store. But 2008 people register now from places as varied as R.E.I. to Williams Sonoma to Joe’s, Sears, Target, Etc. I’ve even heard of people registering at Toys ‘R’ Us. No joke.

As people have migrated to getting married older it’s only natural that the wedding gift would migrate with. Couples who get together in their late 20s, 30s or even 40s have a significant amount of accumulated stuff. Many are already home owners and the old necessities of place settings, knives and such have given way to more durable practical items like barbeques, lawn furniture, hedge trimmers and laser levels.

I like it.

Tonight I perused the gift lists Kip and Jen compiled and there are lots of interesting things to choose from. I don’t want to spoil it as Kip reads this blog from time to time, but being able to choose between a chainsaw, fiberglass step ladder and lawnmower are my kind of wedding gift choices. But it begs the question:

How in the world do you gift wrap a chainsaw?

B!

Mouth Sounds and Movie Quotes

I have several friends who can make amazing noises come out of their mouths. I’ve also got a bunch of friends who occasionally live life through the lens of movie quotes or TV quotes.

Why do men do these things?

Many of my friends quote liberally from the Simpsons. Now, I think the Simpsons are funny. But I’ve never found it to be the cultural barometer that my friends have. Just different tastes, I suppose. But I’m guilty of this too. I love to bring out a quote from Fletch or Blues Brothers or Animal House when appropriate. I have stolen words from a variety of people from Robin Williams to Steve Martin to Steven Wright to The Famous Mysterious Actor and adjusted them to make them my own.

One of my friends can make extremely accurate animal sounds; monkeys and even a bear. To see him do this is frightening as the bear sound is very physical. Another friend makes super realistic bird sounds and phone sounds. So much so that when you’re out at a crowded restaurant he’ll send out a ring and people all around check their cell phones. It’s super harmless fun. I, of course, will roar like a Wookiee from time to time. Go figure.

But why do we do these things?

There’s a theory that men and women seek out different things from media: books and movies. The theory goes that women read to discover the dynamics of relationships. How people communicate and relate. The theory also states that men seek out role models and heroes. They’re looking for a guide to life and how to live it.

As I’ve thought about this I don’t disagree with it. Just about every guy I know watches a movie or reads and tries to identify with the character. If they find something appealing in the character they like the book or movie. If they don’t find some redeeming quality then they’ll likely have a poorer opinion, even if the other elements we’re fine.

I think that’s why I struggled with The Wind-Up Bird Chronicle. I did not find anything to absorb from the main character.

But I’m pretty sure it’s why we quote from movies. We want to be that funny guy. That heroic guy. Using their words allows us to live their life, just a little bit.

I’m not sure why we make the sounds, though. Or even why I associate the two.

B!

The Next Book...

Several days ago I asked my readers to pick a number between one and eight. I received six entries with an average of 4.33. That rounds to four for our use here.

I inserted a small card with numbers ranging from one to eight inside the cover of each of the remaining books. These were randomized and I had no knowledge of which book contained which number until just now.

Book number four is....

A History Of The World In 10 1/2 Chapters by Julian Barnes. Recommended by Trask.

I'll continue to do this until I've read all the books on the list. I may choose to insert one of my own from time to time (see Steve Martin) but I hope to complete all eight before too many months conclude.

Happy reading.

B!

Best First Dates

I’ve been in the shallow end of the dating pool for a long time now. Water wings on my arms. Clinging to the walls a bit too afraid of the deeper water.

But, as with many things, I’m about ready to take the risk. Dive in. Sure, the water’s deeper. It may be colder sometimes. But, overall, it’s the place to be for locating the old harmony and fulfillment.

I have had lots of friends declare to me over the past several years that they can’t believe I’m not involved with someone. Statements like this are very complimentary but also very awkward for me. There were/are always reasons for someone taking themselves out of the pool for a period of time.

Mine are many, and I don’t need to share all of them. But, primarily speaking, I wasn’t in a good place to get involved. I wasn’t ready to let anyone beyond the surface of who I am.

I think I’m over that.

So, as I am exploring the possibility of connecting with someone new I’m wondering what to do on a first date in 2008?

I’ve never been a fan of movies for early dates. Movies are enjoyable and all but unless you’re an ass (and who wants to be an ass on the FIRST date) you can’t talk with your date for two hours. And, if the movie sucked, then you’re stuck with discussing something that sucked for the remainder of the evening. Not fun.

Dinner is nice, we all need to eat.

Casual drinks allows for good conversation.

Concerts take on the same conversational issues as a movie, but do carry a high energy quotient and the opportunity to dance and move and groove.

Art walk on First Thursday can be fun but also super crowded.

So, as I contemplate this I offer to you, the readers, a chance to chime in on good and unique date options. Let’s make a list.

Also, if anyone knows a smart woman in a short skirt with a good sense of direction, feel free to send her my way.

B!

That's No Moon. That's A Space Station!

Big moon this morning. Peeking in my window. Watching over me.

Why does the moon, massive in the sky, make me wonder things? I stare at it and dream some little dreams. Sometimes big dreams. It makes me feel small, but never insignificant. More like an inspiration. A muse. What a rock!

I ventured out into the night on Saturday and attended a Year of The Rat party at a friend’s place and then met up with a large group of Timbers Army folks for a gathering at a local bar, “Plan B”.

It’s always fun, these gatherings, but last night’s was different for me. I had several conversations with several different people about this blog and my approach to it. Why do I write and why do I write what I write? And, what’s really ironic is that I had that same conversation with myself yesterday afternoon, that, in turn, prompted the redesign, and the poll question you find to the right. Over there. No, your other right.

While some of my inspiration gets to remain a mystery, what drives the blog is a need to communicate. A need to form ideas. Something creative. Something small. Something that I care about. And then, in the final business of self-exploration, throw it to the world to see and to judge.

Being judged has always been something that I loathed. When I used to draw I hated displaying my artwork, as I never wanted to be judged. But almost everyone who saw my work complimented me on it. So maybe the judgment wasn’t the thing. I just might not take compliments well.

But that’s not it either. I got a lot of compliments last night. And I'd like to think I took them well. In fact, they fed my ego a bit, which, it turns out, was pretty hungry. Nice. But I also found out something I didn’t expect. And that’s that not only are people reading this and finding some entertainment, but some people are being fed something too by the blog. A combination of inspiration and optimism and understanding. A deeper connection to me that I wasn’t expecting. Wow. Well call it inspioptimundism, OK?

It’s not always easy to strip yourself bare in public. But it is almost always therapeutic. So, to my friends who chatted me up last night, thank you for the kind words. A lot.

There. Let me put this art on the wall.

Hey! Where’d the moon go?
B!

Strange Brew Live!

No, it's not the Broadway production of The McKenzie brother's Film - It's Live! blogging from the Hillsdale Brewfest.

The beers are flowing. People are here. It promises to get crowded. I'll update periodically as the day progresses and maybe post some pics too.

So, come on down if you want some special brews and good company.

Cheers!

B!

11:42 am - Our yellow sample trays arrived. A few very tasty brews and a few that I can't drink the entire 3 oz sample let alone an entire pint. Conversation is rotating around the history of IPAs and decent pubs in the area.

B!

12:29 pm - A few more pics to come. The pub is now jam packed with people and conversation. The serving staff consists of the managers of the different McMenamin's around town so there's a great deal of pride and ownership for each of the brewfest beers.

11:00am 02/17/08 Had some technical difficulties onsite and had to stop the live blog. Anyone know who won the belt?

C'Mon, Just One More

I had a personal training session yesterday.

Did you know there’s a little bit of your triceps that extends right down to your elbow? It probably attaches to a tendon there or something. Well, I never knew it existed before and it hurts like hell. Both of them. I forgot just how exhilaratingly excruciating a weight workout could be.

Now, I’ve never been a big weightlifter, but its downright embarrassing how weak I am for a bigger guy. I really struggled at some points during my workout. But Eric, my trainer, was supportive the entire way and really made it worth my while.

We set goals. Talked nutrition. He gave pep talks. I absorbed the talks. Nodded my head a lot. I answered what was a rhetorical question. (I hate it when I do that.) But I also got a good understanding of what I need to do and how I need to do it to get to my goals. We’ll see.

On another sore note. My mood from yesterday has not recovered. I really found myself feeling lost today. More so than I have in a long, long time. And it’s doubly frustrating as I had such a good weekend last weekend. But that good weekend also got my small brain overthinking a lot which can lead to doubt and then, without seeing him come in, Mr. Insecurity has plopped himself down on the couch and is making nachos out of my self-esteem.

Chip anyone?

But I do get a three-day weekend, which will include a visit to the Hillsdale Pub Saturday for their annual brewfest/brewer’s competition. It should be a good time. Lots of friends will be there. 20 beers including “Rose City ‘Til I Die P A” inspired by Timbers Army.

Maybe I’ll see you there?
B!